White House whistleblowers say Joe Biden bit staff, not his dog.
On March 31st, CNN released this story regarding the second incident involving a biting at the White House. The article pins the blame on First Dog Major Biden but new disturbing reports from inside the White House point to a different culprit.
“He crawls around on the floor like a monkey, with his hands hanging to the floor, and bears his teeth like he has fangs.” This was the horrifying description of the current state of affairs given by an anonymous source inside the White House. The source gave a recount of what they saw on their first day with another weird-old man dressing up as president for the second term in a row.
During his first address to staff upon his arrival, he was in the middle of a regular, English sentence when he burst into screeches. He then proceeded to climb onto the podium in front of him and bang his fists on his chest while hissing at the crowd. Our source remarked, “That’s when I knew our President thought he was a baboon.”
Since the beginning of his tenure, he has continually roamed the halls searching for what employees apparently refer to as ‘fresh meat’. It’s the nickname they’ve given to anyone unlucky enough to find themselves alone in a room with the monkey-man. These past two events leaked to the public have been due to this habit according to the anonymous source, blaming Major Biden is just a way to cover up the President’s condition.
We are not sure what may have caused this odd behavior in the leader of the free world, or where his bloodlust came from at this time. However, our source provided a possible reason, “You know, they do say that he got an early dose of the vaccine…”
