U.S. national debt increases by 150 Billion dollars after a union of actual trolls file lawsuit

Citing centuries of unpaid bridge tolls the quiet army of cave dwellers are claiming that the American people have been taking advantage of them for too long.

Headlines began running about this story when the trolls made a revelation that humans had not while protesting at Capitol Hill in January 2021. They discovered that instead of storming the nation’s capitol and trashing it like a group of wild hogs they could simply protest peacefully outside and achieve better results. So they did just that, stood (or sat it was hard to tell) on the lawn and patiently waited.

Considering this ancient species has been on the continent for centuries, every time a citizen has crossed a bridge a toll went unpaid. This daunting amount of money is not seen as a problem to United States leadership, however. As the federal government has since opened a dialogue with the group in hopes of finding a solution.

Current U.S. Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen had this to say in an interview, “I mean everyone before me has taken a piss on the debt, so I see myself giving these trolls their money as paying my dues.” When asked what this would mean for the average American she had this to say, “You know, I hadn’t thought about that. We’ll just find a way to lower gas prices again and everyone will cheer like the little monkeys they are.”

However, President Joe Biden seemed to have a different view of the situation, “I was just glad to finally meet a childhood hero of mine, I’ve always looked up to Papa Smurf.” An odd choice for a childhood role model to say the least, nonetheless, this makes Biden the first diplomat to ever successfully negotiate with a species of bridge dwellers.